by Kelly L. Campbell
Any talk about childhood trauma certainly remains unspoken in business because it’s too personal, not appropriate, or makes others feel uncomfortable. The issue is that unresolved trauma is what’s at the core of every single leader’s thoughts, feelings, and actions—the intersection of mindset and management. Since it drives us, let’s talk about it.
From Pleasing to Controlling
Many who experienced trauma during their formative years develop people-pleasing tendencies as a coping mechanism and survival strategy. The need to keep others happy at all costs in order to avoid rejection, abandonment, conflict, or criticism can become deeply ingrained. These patterns carry into adulthood and the workplace because we take ourselves with us wherever we go.
As a leader, the people-pleasing trauma response often translates into an overly permissive management style. You may avoid giving tough feedback, enforce few rules or boundaries, and generally aim to make everyone happy—even unknowingly at the expense of productivity or accountability. The downside is an unmotivated, underperforming team who learns to take advantage.
Over time, this inability to hold clear boundaries can trigger an opposing controlling response as you eventually crack down in frustration. An authoritarian, micromanaging leadership approach emerges as an overcorrection—dogmatic decision-making, harsh criticism, and rigid hierarchies. This emotional pendulum represents the spectrum between two trauma-based styles of pleasers and authoritarians.
The people-pleasing leadership style can enable a lack of accountability and mediocre results. Meanwhile, the people-controlling authoritarian approach breeds resentment, disengagement and high turnover as team members feel stifled and disrespected. Neither extreme cultivates an environment of psychological safety for optimal performance.
To find balance, trauma-aware leaders must communicate expectations clearly upfront and gain self-awareness around when their pleasing or controlling tendencies are activated. Set a positive tone of mutual caring and respect, but don’t avoid difficult conversations. Maintain high standards without draconian rules. Be supportive but not a pushover. A democratic style that is firm but fair is the healthiest middle ground—and the one that garners the most respect and commitment from teams.
Self-Governance
Those who experienced emotional neglect or inconsistent parenting often grow up feeling ungrounded and unworthy of care. This abandonment wound can create patterns of self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviors. For leaders operating from these trauma responses, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and harsh self-criticism run rampant.
As a result, you may persistently overwork, taking on too many initiatives or responsibilities and not delegating effectively, all in order to prove your worth. You deprioritize self-care and work-life balance under constant anxiety about not being or doing enough. This high-achieving toxic productivity takes a major toll on your health, relationships and leadership presence.
When you eventually burn out, the pendulum can swing to the opposite pole of apathy, numbness, and underperforming from sheer emotional depletion and hopelessness. These cycles of hyper motivation followed by apathy represent the spectrum between relentless overwork and helpless underwork.
The overworking reflects an unhealthy need to earn validation and belonging through overfunctioning, busyness, and accomplishments. But true leaders understand that sustainable energy and presence is required to inspire others. The opposite stems from feelings of unworthiness and resignation that no amount of effort will ever be enough to fill the inner void.
To find balance, leaders must overcome their shaming inner monologues through committed self-compassion. Prioritize rejuvenating activities and schedule routine rest or vacations. Create stable structures and routines to instill consistency within yourself and your team. Practice proactive self-care and assertive work boundaries rather than swinging between two unhealthy extremes.
Conscious Communication
Growing up in abusive, chaotic, or unstable environments can create major disruptions in a child’s language and emotional development. If your trauma involved experiences of feeling unheard, belittled, or gaslighted, mistrust of communication itself may result.
As a leader, you could be hypervigilant about being misunderstood or challenged. Questioning or feedback from others is taken as a personal attack versus productive discourse. You may communicate in excessive detail to regain control of the narrative or shut down communication pathways entirely, withdrawing and stalling critical information flow.
The two trauma poles of defensive overcommunication and withholding information both stifle constructive sharing of perspectives and lead to misalignment, confusion, and poor collaboration within teams.
Over-communicating stems from fears of being dismissed or invalidated, while under-communicating avoids vulnerability and exposure. Neither style allows for open dialogue where new ideas emerge through the cross-pollination of different viewpoints. When leaders are constantly either downloading information or stonewalling, creativity and innovation get blocked.
To restore healthy communication, pause before responding and distinguish criticism of ideas from personal attacks. Create open forums where team members feel empowered to voice concerns without hostility. Validate others’ viewpoints even if you disagree. Choose candid transparency and clarity over inefficient vagueness or excessive explanation.
Lighting the Way
Childhood trauma is often rooted in feelings of powerlessness, living under the control of abusive authority figures or caught in unsafe, unpredictable conditions. Unresolved trauma can drive strong control needs in leaders, either exerting excessive force to overcompensate or shying away from authority entirely.
A controlling, inflexible leadership style dictates ideas and deadlines while disregarding team needs or input. This autocratic approach deprives others of autonomy and prevents growth opportunities. The opposing pole is frozen indecision. Out of hesitance to replicate oppressive leadership modeled in childhood, you may default to indecisiveness and vagueness, lacking clear vision.
To strike a balance, aim for participative changemaker leadership. Cast an inspiring vision while empowering your team through real ownership, accountability and creative freedom within set boundaries. Set a consistent strategic direction while allowing flexibility on the paths to achieve it. Utilize persuasion, collaboration and co-creation rather than harsh dominance or passive inaction.
While the ways trauma impacts leadership style are complex, exploring your root motivators, communication patterns, self-attitudes and authority approaches can reveal blind spots. With self-awareness and commitment to personal growth, even difficult pasts can forge more conscious, impactful leadership—for your highest good and the greater good alike.
About the Author: Kelly L. Campbell writes about trauma, leadership, and consciousness—“The New TLC”—on Substack, for Entrepreneur, and formerly for Forbes. They are a Trauma-Informed Leadership Coach, keynote speaker, and the author of Heal to Lead: Revolutionizing Leadership through Trauma Healing.